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dorkstrider:

high school friends are basically people who agree to survive together and it’s sort of like they’re your crew in a zombie apocalypse and after the apocalypse is over somehow you go on to living life and maybe occasionally you’d run into each other and be like “oh yes i see you still haven’t been eaten by zombies that is good” but you no longer have the need to survive together so that thing tying you to these people is just gone

zubatarang:

princess on the streets. also a princess in the sheets. dont touch me im royalty.

jipersnoeofficial:

officialcheesepolice:

jipersnoeofficial:

to all the people with shitty mums i want to make it known that i am your mum now

you are a 20 year old male

  • I
  • AM
  • YOUR
  • MOTHER
  • NOW

daftlypunk:

daftlypunk:

do not flirt with women when they are at work

do not take advantage of women who are in situations where they cannot say no or be blunt

#im a barista not your goddamn girlfriend take your coffee and leave

hope-for-komaeda:

bunnywithacape:

'Olay?'
‘Olay.’
The Fault In Our Sombreros.

Nacho average love story.

it’s spelled olé not olay you illiterate fuck this ain’t the fault in our lotions

twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck:

cell-mate:

crackerhell:

ethanwearsprada:

i think it’s a universal truth that everyone in our generation takes pluto’s losing its planetary status as a personal offense

yes

pluto is smaller than russia. why did we ever even consider it a planet?

BECAUSE IT’S A PART OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM

OHANA MEANS FAMILY

FAMILY MEANS NO ONE IS LEFT BEHIND

kid: dad whats a 69
dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

schmidthappenns:

ignoring someone you truly care about because they hurt you is one of the hardest things in life

alexgaskarthdoingthings:

alexgaskarthdoingthings:

today in class this guy stole my paper and i just randomly shouted “I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN” and he said “Do they have to be born?” and i just sat down because that was a hella good comeback

WHY ARE YOU GUYS NOT SCREAMING I TRIED TO THREATEN THIS GUY AND HE TURNED IT INTO A BLOW JOB REFERENCE YOU GUYS BETTER BE FUCKING LAUGHING



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